That's when I love you

Now I am currently listening to Aslyn that when I love you, really nice song with the environment right now, I am feel relief for no reason, even though it’s really gloomy around me. Having a smile for nothing, feel like want to hug for nothing. Money for buy something, and I want my parents for everything I’ve done to look by them. Yes, I can’t live without them. So then, I realise how important they are to me. Every single second I felt pressure even it’s just nothing to worry about.
Am I lonely? Lonely for no reason even the world is crowded with people who love each other every day. Even I have everybody by my side, but I felt so lonely. Pray hard every day. Wish it will make me smile even my heart crying hardly.
This is me. The real of me. Don’t ask anything that I can’t do...but please ask the thing that I can do, so you would not regret with me. So the pain could stop. The rain also stops to drop. The tears will disappears. And the sun will keep shining even in the middle of the night.
God, please help me, leaving me in this of world is cruel. But I am not ready yet to be there, physical and mentally is not prepare yet to been there.
wTH ?? this is just not me